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 Welcome to Sexy TIMES!This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved. Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain! Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUESSexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq. Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore] The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism. |
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NO THANKSGIVING HERE
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Posted:Nov 24, 2021 10:37 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:47 am
40314 Views
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Thanksgiving Day is a national holiday in a few countries. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in America. Thanksgiving Day has already taken place in Canada. Two Caribbean countries, Grenada and Saint Lucia, and the African country of Liberia, founded to home freed black slaves from America, also have their own Thanksgiving Day.
There are no Thanksgiving celebrations here in Britain. The only people celebrating Thanksgiving here are Americans living in Britain and Brits lucky enough to be invited to the Thanksgiving meal at the American embassy in London.
The closest we get to Thanksgiving is the Harvest Festival, which traditionally took place after harvest and involved eating lots of harvested food. Harvest Festival nowadays is largely confined to churches and involves singing hymns not eating roast turkey. Here, roast turkey is a very popular Christmas meal.
Of all celebrations here, Christmas is the most important to me, followed by birthday celebrations. I do not celebrate Easter but I very much enjoy that the Easter weekend is a very long weekend with two public holidays on Good Friday and Easter Monday. For that reason alone, I am pleased Jesus was crucified and resurrected either side of the weekend!
Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
If so, how do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
What celebration is the most important to you?
To all my American friends, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. And I wish all my Canadian friends a very belated Happy Thanksgiving.
Below are two fully-naked half-turkeys in flagrante delicto!
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BEING BICURIOUS
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Posted:Nov 22, 2021 9:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:48 am
38510 Views
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When looking for other couples to meet up for sex or to invite to sex parties, I used to closely read their profiles. It was common for the man or the woman, or both, to describe themselves as bicurious. I often wondered what this term meant.
I understood that someone could be curious about having sex with someone of the same sex, whether gay or lesbian sex. I was and still am curious. But the label seemed to mean much more than idle curiousity.
Bicurious, at least to me, suggests that the person is tempted to try a same-sex experience; being bicurious without any interest in having such an experience is pretty meaningless.
But once someone has had sex with someone of the same sex and enjoyed the same-sex experience, then, surely they are no longer bicurious but bisexual. Being bicurious is surely a transient description of sexual orientation until such curiousity has been satisfied or not. Bicurious is temporary.
Despite this, bicurious remains a common description of the sexual orientation of many couples on this site. Perhaps they are unsure whether they enjoyed the same-sex experience but are still curious to give it another whirl. Perhaps the conditions that they want their same-sex experience to take place are so idealised that they are impossible to be met in the real world. Or perhaps they did not get round to updating their profile.
However, I think there may be other reasons why couples describe themselves as bicurious. I think many men in a couple relationship are more likely to describe themselves as bicurious rather than bisexual because they do not want to scare off other men. Also, given men often write the profile of the couple, I think many men are likely to describe their female partner as bicurious because they like the idea of watching their partner getting it on with another woman.
For these reasons, when I saw a profile of a bicurious couple, I used to assume that the man was bisexual and the woman was straight.
How would you describe your sexuality?
What does bicurious mean to you?
Are you bicurious?
Sexuality is fluid, making it difficult to categorise and problems always arise at the margins of categories. But, having said that, I am straight and curious but without being bicurious; I am not interested in having sex with another man. Apart from a few awkward fumblings after lights-out at boarding school, I have not experienced sex with a man. At last, I have come out as heterosexual!
However, having said that, there were a couple of occasions when, in the heat of the moment, sex with a woman did involve another man. The first occasion when I allowed a man to caress my balls as I was fucking his wife; it seemed rude to turn down his request! The other occasion was when I cupped the balls of another man as he was fucking my partner; I wanted him to cum as I do like sloppy seconds!
Perhaps I am momentarily bisexual!
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A FINGER RING
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Posted:Nov 20, 2021 6:57 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:48 am
38949 Views
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There are rings for ears, which we always call earrings; also there are toe rings, eyebrow rings, nose rings, belly button rings, tongue rings, nipple rings, clit rings and cock rings. But for rings that we wear on our fingers, we just say rings, never fingerrings!
If we did, just imagine how awkward the vow taken at a marriage would be. With this fingerring, I, John Jones, thee wed you, Lucy Lee!
Or how uncomfortable it would be for a woman just engaged visiting her parents to tell them of her engagement. Mum, Dad, Lucy here ... I am now engaged to John, who has just given me an incredible fingerring!
Or what the father of John would say just before he proposes to Lucy. John, you make sure you give Lucy a good fingerring. I gave your mother the same fingerring that your grandfather gave your grandmother!
That is why rings for fingers are not called fingerrings!
Do you wear any rings on your body?
If so, what rings have you got, and where do you wear them?
I do not wear any rings, not even a wedding ring.
I have always wanted my partners to get a nipple ring and a clit ring, but they have never been persuaded to get pierced in those places. Even when I have pointed out that it is only the same as getting their ears pierced, they have remained unconvinced.
I cannot take any credit for this post. The joke about fingerrings is lifted from Celia Pacquola, a very funny Australian comedian.
And the two photos are the fingerrings that Prince William and Prince Harry gave to Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle; clearly the Duchess of Cambridge got a bigger fingerring than the Duchess of Sussex!
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MY ULTRAVIOLET WILLY
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Posted:Nov 17, 2021 9:14 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:49 am
38328 Views
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The theme for this Half Nekkid Wednesday is things starting with the letters U, V or W - see November 17: Things that start with U, V or W. I am choosing my ultraviolet willy, which covers all three letters if ultraviolet were two words.
Above is what I would look like if I was to do a spot of arc welding. A special welding face shield needs to be worn when welding because the arc welder emits dangerous ultraviolet light. Arc welding looks dangerous!
Have you ever used a welder?
If so, what did you weld?
On a few occasions and under strict supervision, I have used a welder when living on the farm. I cannot remember what I welded, almost certainly something very simple.
Back to the theme of Half Nekkid Wednesday, below is my ultraviolet willy. This blowjob was dangerous as neither of us were wearing any goggles; it was unsafe sex but fortunately neither of us suffered from arc eye. I will wear googles next time!
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23
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FARTING IS TO BE CRIMINALISED
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Posted:Nov 16, 2021 10:52 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:49 am
40280 Views
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The 2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference, widely known as COP26, has just finished. The talks were held in the Scottish city of Glasgow. Nearly every world leader attended its proceedings; notable exceptions were the Chinese, Russian and Turkish leaders, though there were Chinese, Russian and Turkish delegations at the conference.
The main aim of COP26 was to agree on measures to combat climate change and, in particular, to limit the increases of global temperature. In Paris, six years ago, COP21 agreed to limit global warming to within 1.5C of pre-industrial levels.
There is global warming because of the increasing emission of so-called greenhouse gases, like carbon dioxide and methane, which trap heat in the atmosphere that would otherwise escape into space. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, consisting of leading climate scientists, reported that the effects of global warming in excess of 2.0C would be catastrophic and irreversible.
Several deals were struck in Glasgow. First, there was an agreement, signed by 137 countries covering over 90 per cent of all forests, to halt and reverse forest loss and land degradation. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen. Already, because of deforestation, the Amazon releases more carbon dioxide than it absorbs.
Second, there was an agreement over methane emissions. Over 100 countries pledged to cut their methane emissions. However, three of the five largest methane emitters, China, India and Russia, refused to sign this agreement. Methane is a very potent greenhouse; it warms the atmosphere 80 times faster than carbon dioxide. Farting will become an act of climate crime!
Third, there was an agreement to reduce the use of coal. But this agreement was watered down, after last-minute objections from China and India, from phasing out to phasing down the use of coal. India is almost totally dependent on coal to fuel its economy.
Fourth, there was a limited agreement to phase out fossil-fuel cars and vans signed by over 30 countries. But China, Germany and the US refused to sign this agreement. Germany exports a lot of cars!
Fifth, there was a renewed pledge that rich countries would provide so-called climate finance to poor countries in recognition that richer countries have most caused global warming and are best placed to manage its effects, and that poorer countries are most adversely affected by climate change and are least able to deal with its effects. It is one thing for the Dutch to manage the North Sea with its system of dykes to stop Amsterdam from mass flooding; and it is another thing for the Maldives, a group of low-lying islands, to stop disappearing into the Indian Ocean as sea levels rise. But this pledge has been made before and the monies never materialised.
Overall, COP26 is a mixed bag. The agreements to end deforestation and to cut methane emissions are very significant in combatting global warming. But its agreements on coal, cars and climate finance are far less significant; they are fudged deals which do little more than kick these issues into touch. But these climate change talks are part of an ongoing process; there is COP27 next year to be held in Egypt, where it will be at least much warmer than Scotland.
How worried are you about climate change?
Do you think governments are doing enough to combat climate change?
How green are you in everyday life?
I am very worried about climate change. I am quite green in the way I live. I use public transport, but I do eat meat. Climate change is by far the biggest issue facing the world today; it is an existential threat. Governments are doing something but I worry what they are doing may be too little, too late. I very much hope I am proved wrong.
For those who want to read more on climate change, there is a very informative website, Climate Action Tracker, which shows on a thermometer how the world is doing in controlling global warming. Also, for what it is worth, I did a post on COP21 six years ago - see GOOD COP, BAD COP.
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THE APOSTROPHE IS DEAD
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Posted:Nov 12, 2021 10:27 am
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2022 4:28 am
48316 Views
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It is now official; the apostrophe is dead. This site no longer recognises the humble apostrophe. Not only does it steal little words, the site now translates the apostrophe into gibberish. Here is an example:
ItâÂÂs so cold that I canâÂÂt feel my handsâ fingers, but IâÂÂll continue to type out this eveningâÂÂs post. This site wonâÂÂt update itsâ codes meaning that itsâ members canâÂÂt read what IâÂÂm writing about. ItâÂÂs a shame ⦠or perhaps itâÂÂs a blessing!
In 2001, the Apostrophe Protection Society was founded with "the specific aim of preserving the correct use of this currently much abused punctuation mark". However, in December 2019 its founder, John Richards, disbanded the Apostrophe Protection Society because no one seemed to care about the punctuation mark.
In Bristol, an English city, there is a grammar vigilante who secretly adds an apostrophe to street and shop signs where an apostrophe has been omitted. He is the equivalent to Banksy but in the world of grammar. Strangely it is believed that Banksy is from Bristol; perhaps Banksy is also this grammarian guerrilla as well as the renowned street artist!
Do you use apostrophes correctly?
How good is your grammar?
Are you a grammarhead?
I am a proud grammarhead; in my job I had to be correct in my grammar. And, just as my academic colleagues picked up on any of my grammatical errors, I took delight in correcting any grammatical mistakes made by my students.
It is not easy to explain how an apostrophe should be used without using an apostrophe in action, but I am going to have to try. The use of an apostrophe is quite simple. There are two main uses of an apostrophe. First, an apostrophe is used to denote there is a missing letter when writing a word. Second, an apostrophe denotes the possessive case of a noun; in other words, it indicates that something or someone belongs to something or someone.
Inside are some examples of the uses of an apostrophe; the site only mangles apostrophes used in posts not in comments on posts!
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AUTUMN FALLS
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Posted:Nov 10, 2021 10:03 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:50 am
36427 Views
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Autumn is my favourite season. I like Autumn so much that I always lie on a fallen tree trunk in the local woods! Autumn is not too hot nor too cold. And it marks the countdown to Christmas. I love Christmas!
Christmas here seems to be starting earlier than usual. Christmas adverts regularly appear on television. And the trash movie channel I watch in the afternoons is showing Christmas films only.
Shops are busy stocking Christmas stuff. And people are busy buying the stuff. I think people are shopping early because they are worried about shortages in the run-up to Christmas.
Normally Christmas is made in China but, because of increased energy prices, many Chinese factories have shut down. Also with increased shipping costs worldwide and the post-Brexit shortage of lorry drivers here to move stuff from the ports to the shops, Christmas could be grim this year!
If Christmas is starting early, then I need to write my Christmas present list now. Top of the list is a Marcelo Bielsa bucket. He is the manager of my football team, Leeds United, and he frequently sits on a blue bucket yelling instructions out to his players. The bucket was top of my birthday present list a few months back, but no one gave one to me as a present. Hopefully the bucket is not made in China!
What is your favourite season?
Has Christmas started early where you are?
Below is Autumn Falls, an American porn star. Given her name, she clearly wanted to appeal to both the American and British markets. She was promised to be my girlfriend tonight but she tragically died before our arranged date!
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HOW BABIES ARE MADE
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Posted:Nov 8, 2021 12:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:51 am
36925 Views
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I’ve never been properly told how babies are made. No one has bothered to tell me the so-called facts of life. Perhaps this explains why I have no .
When I was at school, aged about 11, I believed that a woman had to drink a man’s pee to make a baby. My friends soon told me that this was rubbish but they didn’t tell me how a baby is made - perhaps they didn’t know!
One friend even told me that making a baby is like putting a plug in a socket. Metaphorically, this is quite good but it didn’t exactly make me want to have a baby when I grew up - why would I want to electrocute myself to have a baby?!
My school never gave instruction on how babies are made. The closest my school got to sex education was in biology. But these lessons only taught me how plants reproduce through pollination. This wasn’t much help to me as I didn’t have a stamen that could pollinate a pistil’s stigma.
When rummaging around my parents’ bedroom, in my early teens, I found a book on the facts of life, as well as an opened packet of condoms. But my parents never got round to tell me how babies are made - perhaps the book was for them!
When and how did you find out how babies are made?
Have you explained to how babies are made? If so, how did it go?
Reading the Bible about the Virgin Mary and her Immaculate Conception didn’t help in my quest to find out how babies are made. I’ve tried immaculate sex for a long time and no baby has ever appeared!
It was only in my later years at school that I found out how to make a baby. Porn magazines helped me in this quest. But these magazines never featured babies on their pages, so there was still some mystery how a baby is made.
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31
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MOVE OVER BANKSY
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Posted:Nov 5, 2021 10:44 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 2:51 am
36769 Views
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Here, above and below, is a selection of artwork by Sandrine Boulet, a French artist. She takes photographs of everyday objects found on the streets of Paris and draws over them to make art. Art’s that simple!
Though Sandrine Boulet’s work isn’t graffiti as she doesn’t paint on the streets, her work is similar to Banksy’s work but without the politics.
Do you like Sandrine Boulet’s artwork?
Do you think graffiti on publicly-owned property should be legalised?
Would you like Banksy to secretly visit you and leave behind a mural on your home?
I think street art is great. It brightens up the place. It seems to be called street art when it’s been officially commissioned. If not official, it’s just graffit But I think graffiti on publicly-owned property should be allowed and even encouraged on the streets.
Now, nearly everyone seems to Banksy to do his next mural on their home so they can it for lots of money! For that reason alone, I’d love Banksy to secretly visit my home.
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I AIN’T NO MO BRO
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Posted:Nov 3, 2021 11:31 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2021 2:01 am
44592 Views
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Above is me half-naked (well, let’s say quarter-naked) if I was able to grow a moustache and if I looked like Tom Selleck!
I cannot grow a moustache or a beard. Whenever I’ve tried to grow facial hair, I always end up with ‘bum fluff’ on my face. It’s not a good look!
Mo Bros are the many men who grow a moustache during the month of November, known as Movember, to raise awareness of men’s health issue, especially men’s cancer. Because of my genes, I can't be a Mo Bro.
If a man, do you often wear a moustache?
If a woman, does a man’s moustache tickle your fancy?
Below is Ram Singh Chauhan, who has grown the world’s longest moustache; it's 14 feet long. He uses his moustache to tie up his wife when they have sex!
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THE REASON WHY AMERICANS SAY MATH AND NOT MATHS
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Posted:Nov 1, 2021 9:54 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 12:43 pm
41283 Views
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When I visited New York for the first time in the 1980s, I went to a bookshop and was amazed that there were American English dictionaries on sale. On browsing a dictionary, it dawned on me how different American English is to British English.
Since I started blogging years ago, this difference between American English and British English became even more apparent. I’ve had to become bilingual in reading American people’s blogs to fully understand them and in writing my own blog to ensure I’m understood by Americans.
I always knew Americans spelt things differently. Organisation becomes organization; centre becomes center; programme becomes program, behaviour becomes behaviour, colour becomes color, grey becomes gray, and pyjamas become pajamas. I’ve put this down to the whimsy of Americans. But American spelling of English words often means less letters to type out so their whimsy makes a lot of sense as it saves time.
Some American words, because of American films and music, have become mainstream here. People often say movies to mean films, apartments to mean flats, mail to mean post, truck to mean lorry, and ass to mean arse.
But I still sometimes get confused with the many different words used to describe the same thing. For example, here in the UK, we generally say Autumn not Fall, toilet not restroom, bum not fanny, university not college, prison not penitentiary, trade union not labor union, full stop not period, maths not math, mobile phone not cellphone, queue not line, lift not elevator, underground not subway, holiday not vacation, nappy not diaper, rubber not eraser, waistcoat not vest, trousers not pants, jumper not sweater, trainers not sneakers, pissed off not pissed, bill not check, postman not mailman, probation officer not parole officer, doctor not physician, postcode not zip code, shop not store, chemist not drugstore, off-licence not liquor store, torch not flashlight, crisps not chips, chips not fries, biscuits not cookies, sweets not candy, jelly not jello, aubergine not eggplant, courgette not zucchini, sweet corn not maize, cooker not stove, tin not can, rubbish not trash, dustbin not garbage can, wardrobe not closet, garden not yard, motorway not highway, caravan not trailer, bonnet not hood, boot not trunk, car park not parking lot, petrol not gas, and definitely football not soccer.
What American-English or British-English words confuse you?
Do you say Maths or Math?
Have you become more bilingual in American English and British English on blogland?
But there are few words when used could lead to major misunderstandings depending where you are. If an American asked me for chips, I’d give them fries when they really wanted crisps! If an American told me they were pissed, I’d think there were drunk and not angry! If an American asked me to look inside their trunk, I’d enjoy myself rummaging around their suitcase! If an American wanted a cookie, I'd say that I haven't got that type of biscuit and offer them a custard cream biscuit instead! If an American admired my wife’s fanny, I’d think my wife must have flashed her pussy at them! And if an American asked to borrow my pants, I’d ask for money if they so badly wanted to satisfy their kinks by wearing my game-worn underwear!
My only bugbear about American English is when Americans say math and not maths because mathematics is a plural word. But, having said that, the Americans are yet again saving a letter from the word being typed out. It saves time; the reason why Americans say math and not maths is because they are very busy people in a hurry!
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31
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CODEX AMPHIBIA
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Posted:Oct 29, 2021 6:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 6:43 am
40188 Views
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Codex Amphibia was a collaborative project between the musician Thomas Tilly and the herpelogist Anine Fouquet. A herpelogist studies reptiles and amphibians not herpes!
The project took place in the South Arican country of French Guiana in December 2016. In the Montagne de Kaw, thousands of frogs gather in a certain spot in the rainforest at a certain time of the year to have an orgy or to indulge in, what biologists , explosive breeding!
Under the expert guidance of Anine Fouquet, who knows all about these orgies, Thomas Tilly recorded the noises of the frogs having frenzied sex and then dubbed it with electronic music. Codex Amphibia was released as a CD in September 2018 by Glistening Examples.
Are you tempted to listen to Codex Amphibia?
Have you eaten frogs’ legs?
I’ve never eaten frogs’ legs. I’ve been told they taste like chicken but are a bit chewy. They don’t appeal to . I’d sooner the frogs were orgiastically alive!
Below is the foam nest of a female African grey foam-nest tree frog. The foam is made of frog sperm. Research found that the female frog will have sex with up to 12 male frogs lasting for hours on end. This is, what biologists term, polyandry - that is, sex with multiple male partners at the same time.
Frogs certainly know to have sex. I’m impressed; I want to be a frog in my next life!
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24
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I DON’T DO HALLOWEEN
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Posted:Oct 27, 2021 11:05 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 6:42 am
36645 Views
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I don’t celebrate Halloween, but I don’t mind half-nakedly ravaging a pumpkin at this time of year!
When I was a , the main event to mark at this time of year was Bonfire Night, also called Guy Fawkes Night, on the 5th of November. There were always lots of parties with a bonfire burning and lots of fireworks going off. I was always a sucker for sparklers!
On top of the bonfire, an effigy of Guy Fawkes would be placed and everyone would watch it burn. Guy Fawkes was part of a Catholic plot to burn down the British Parliament in 1605 in order to kill the Protestant King James I and to restore a Catholic monarch to the throne. The Gunpowder Plot failed and Guy Fawkes was executed. Since then, the 5th of November has always been celebrated in Britain, though in recent years the celebration is called Bonfire Night rather than Guy Fawkes Night in order not to give offence to Catholics.
However, the popularity of Bonfire Night has waned and instead Halloween has taken over as the dominant celebration at this time of year. There’s far more money to be made selling Halloween paraphernalia than fireworks!
Do you celebrate Halloween?
If so, how do you celebrate Halloween?
Another reason I don’t celebrate Halloween is that I live in a block of apartments so no come round for trick-or-treat. Also, for some inexplicable reason, I don’t get invited to Halloween parties!
But to those who do mark the 31st of October, I wish you all a Happy Halloween!
Inside is a story of an Englishman who had sex with a pumpkin!
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